Killing Time
by PhoebeDreams
Summary: Jess is bored and Becker, apparently, likes music. Fluff ensues.


A/N: This came from listening to music while watching the leaves fall outside and procrastinating. My writing output on here might well ruin my next grade, but if you leave reviews, it will all be worth it! ;-) If you want to know which music inspired me, read the note at the bottom.

I don't own Primeval, sadly.

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><p>It was a quiet day, with absolutely no anomalies or dinosaurs or mad scientists in sight, and while she should be thankful for it, Jess was simply bored. She had already caught up on all of her own and everyone else's paperwork, run every virus check she could think of on the ADD and cleaned all the chocolate wrappers out of her locker, and now there was nothing left to do. And when she had nothing to do, Jess resorted to something that she had sworn to herself not to do any more: Using the ARC's security cameras to watch Captain Becker. She had told herself it was behaviour worthy of a creepy stalker person, but somehow, she just couldn't stop. Not when he looked and walked and talked the way he did...<p>

Sighing, she pulled up the little thumbnails showing her the different feeds from all around the building and quickly searched through them for any sign of Becker, ignoring the little voice in her head that kept singsonging 'You're pathetic'. On very good days, she caught him working out in the gym, but right now, she seemed to have no such luck. Instead she found him in a corridor close to the armoury. Glancing around furtively to make sure no one was watching her, Jess pulled the feed up full screen onto her desktop – and froze in shock.

Becker was strolling around the ARC with a very far away expression on his face, tell-tale little white cables from his ears to his jacket pocket betraying that he was listening to music. While on duty! What was even more shocking, however, was that he was smiling to himself.

All of a sudden, Jess was not bored at all any more. Becker, a music fan? Never in her time at the ARC had she seen him listening to music on the job. To be honest, she couldn't even imagine the kind of music he would like – classical, jazz, country, techno, death metal? She had to giggle a little to herself at the mental image of Becker head-banging in a shirt with some goth band logo. This was a mystery worth getting to the bottom of. And who knew, she might learn something interesting about her favourite captain in the process.

As luck would have it, Jess didn't even have to do anything – Becker just ambled straight into the ops room and to her place at the hub, still with one of the earphones connected and the smile on his face. Jess figured this was her best opportunity.

"Hey, whatcha listening to?" He smiled at her indulgently.

"Music, Jess." She rolled her eyes at his patronising tone, but forgave him for the teasing instantly.

"I figured. I mean, what kind of music? It has to be pretty good to make you smile like that." She held her breath at her own audacity. Asking Becker personal questions – and he had a very broad definition of what counted as a personal question – was always a gamble. Today, however, he seemed to be in a talkative mood.

"Good music." She was about to roll her eyes again and demand more info, but he looked at her intently, the ghost of a smile still on his face.

"It reminds me of you, actually." Jess' heart stopped. Had he really just said that? And if so, was it a compliment? He had said it was 'good music'. It had to be a compliment.

"What do you mean?" Her voice sounded shaky, but she didn't mind.

"Well, it's easy to listen to, and fluffy and happy and light-hearted..." He stopped as he saw the expression on her face.

"What?"

"That's all you think I am? Fluffy and happy and light-hearted? Why don't you add silly and childish and careless to the list?"

"Jess, that's not at all what I meant..." Jess didn't know what to do. She felt like running away from him, but she couldn't very well leave the ADD just like that, in the middle of the day. Then again, if she stayed, she might just burst into tears right now. Just when she thought her and Becker had finally established a somewhat meaningful relationship, he went and said something like this.

Suddenly, she felt his hands on her shoulders as he bent forward to look at her intently.

"Jess, I didn't say that was all there is to it. Because there's so much more to you." She didn't react, and he looked about to get irritated for a second when his eyes fell on the thin cables leading to the device that had brought up the fight in the first place. Quickly, he pulled the mp3-player out of his pocket and pressed it into her hand.

"Just listen to it, and you'll understand." She hesitated for a second, but then he turned her chair to face away from the ADD and gave her a slight push.

"Go on, I'll watch the ADD while you're away, I promise."

Dazed, Jess stumbled out of the room, hoping she wouldn't run into anyone on the way and wondering where she would get the necessary peace and quiet. Finally, she went into one of Matt's plant labs which was empty right now, quiet and pleasantly warm due to its tropical inhabitants.

There she sat on a bench, leaned back against the wall, inserted the earphones and hit play.

At the first notes of the music, Jess almost dropped the device. It was unlike anything she would have expected Becker to like: Soft, cheerful, poppy folk music, heavy on the acoustic guitar.

Then a man started singing, and she was instantly mesmerized by the full, soft voice, lulled by the relaxed rhythm. He sang about dreams and wanting to hold on to them in the morning, and before her inner eyes she saw sunlight streaking through a window onto a rumpled bed and could almost imagine a grumpy Becker getting up reluctantly and feeling a little better at the first cheery notes. She had to admit, being compared to music like this was somewhat flattering.

And yet, she thought, it hurt that he still seemed to consider her as nothing more than his young, silly co-worker, a happy-go-lucky, careless person. Because in his line of work, careless was generally not considered a positive trait. How could he think of her like that? Didn't he know that she did care, about the team, the animals, the people out there who had no idea what danger they were in? That sometimes she went home and cried herself to sleep because of a particularly gruesome death she had had to watch over the CCTV cams? Just because she tried to stay optimistic and not make life even worse by sulking and brooding did not mean she was heartless or careless or silly...

Just as she had reached this point in her anger, the next song began, and the tune changed to something slower, sadder. Instead of the plucky guitar, a piano opened the song, dark notes melting into nothingness as she listened, bitter-sweet like dark chocolate. The voice changed too as it sang about the uncomfortable questions in life, the emptiness one felt sometimes; a confused, unhappy, isolated man she felt sympathy for on every note. There was such depth in his voice, such pain, that it took her breath away for a second.

_When you're on your own, _

_killing time_

_Wanna make it right, _

_make it..._

_Nothing ventured, nothing gained_

_seems all the world has gone insane_

_all said and done_

_we are heading straight towards the sun_

_nothing ventured nothing said_

_seems all the words drift from my head_

_it's sad to say_

_we're heading straight towards the sun_

Was this what Becker felt like sometimes, what the music made him feel? Was this what he had meant when he'd said that there was so much more – to her? The idea was breathtaking, and she couldn't help her eyes tearing up a little bit.

"You know, I actually sent you here to make you feel better, not worse."

She pressed pause at the voice and looked up to see Becker leaning against the door-frame, looking at her with a worried expression on his face. She sniffled and wiped at her eyes, angry that he had seen her crying after all.

"I am feeling better. It's beautiful music."

"And you're not angry any more? Because all those things like silly and childish and careless, those were things you said. I would never, ever say or think anything like that about you. All I wanted to say was that, like this music, you make people happy." He paused, taking a deep breath. "You make _me_ happy."

This time the little plastic player did slip from her hands and fall to the floor, where it landed with a dull thud and fortunately without being damaged. She could do nothing but stare at him, a thousand questions in her head. And yet, as she saw his expression, she knew she couldn't voice any of them. Not yet. He looked as shocked as her, surprised and scared by the admission that he had let slip, because they both knew how much he meant by it, and how little he was ready for it. So she didn't ask him about it, deciding to give him more time if he needed it.

"Who's watching the ADD?"

"Connor. He still owes me for shooting my second-in-command with an EMD last week. On a low setting, thank God." He smiled, wordlessly thanking her for letting him off the hook, and bent down to pick up the mp3-player before sitting down on the bench next to her.

"The next one's also good. I'm sure you'll agree with him."

Grinning, he handed her one of the earphones and put the other one into his own ear, leaning back and closing his eyes. She couldn't help but stare at him for a few seconds, struck by how beautiful he looked when he was relaxed like this.

"I know I'm not the tech person here, but I think you need to press play for the music to start."

She blushed, chuckled at his impatience, and quickly started the song, smiling to herself as she heard the first lines of the song.

_People should smile more_

_I'm not saying there's nothing to cry for but you've got_

_everything laid down for you_

_just close your eyes take a deep breath and start another war_

_I can't change the world _

_'cos trying to make a difference makes it worse_

_it's just an observation I can't ignore:_

_People should smile more_

A/N: I admit, the idea of Becker as a person who listens to folky singer-songwriter music and then gets all poetical about it is unlikely. Nevertheless, I just had to do this.

In case you were wondering, the singer is Newton Faulkner, the songs are 'Gone in the morning', 'Straight towards the sun' and 'People should smile more'.


End file.
